Some people dream about being the other gender. The fact that transgender people do so, are increasingly becoming accepted, but a recent Israeli study indicates that more than one third of non-transgender people have dreamed about belonging to “the other side” too.
It becomes harder to separate transgender people from non-transgender (cisgender) people if cisgender people are crossdreaming, but if we think of gender as a complex continuum rather than a strict binary, it starts to make sense. The Israeli studies tell us that the boundary between cis and trans is very fuzzy, indeed.
There are many taboos associated with transgender sexuality.
If non-transgender people get turned on by something, it is because they are people. If transgender and non-binary people get turned on by something, transphobes will tell them that this is because they are perverts.
The sexual dreams of transgender people, including crossdressers, crossdreamers and non-binary people, will by shaped by their life experience and what is denied them. Since that life experience is different form the ones of cis people, their sexual fantasies may also be different.
It make perfect sense for a male to female transgender person to be aroused by the idea of being a woman, because that in that fantasy she expresses her true nature. It makes perfect sense for someone gender fluid, to mix both gender roles and identities in their fantasies. It makes perfect sense for a transgender man to dream about having his identity and his sexuality affirmed by others.
Such fantasies are no longer considered a sign of mental illness by the main health organizations. Still, old ideas die hard, and some queer and trans people are too ashamed to talk about such fantasies.
This was partly why we established Crossdream Life, a discussion forum where people can discuss gender variance and both erotic and non-erotic dreams about becoming a different gender.
Drake, 29, of Easthampton (pictured below)— where trans protections were recently affirmed
— is one of many people in the Valley and across the country whose
gender identity goes beyond the male/female binary to something more
complex. And they say that, often, that realization brings a need for a
shift in language.
The traditional gender-based pronouns — she/her or he/him — no longer work. Drake uses they/them. […]
“I’m telling you this because I am trans, I’m genderqueer,” Drake told the co-workers. “I don’t identify as a man or a woman.” […]
For Drake and others who identify outside the male/female binary, the
facts of gender identity and pronouns are something as integral as
their first name.
“If I see somebody and I’m describing them to somebody else, I do not assume gender,” Drake said.
English singer-songwriter Sam Smith has opened up about their gender identity in a recent interview with The Sunday Times.
The 25-year-old discussed how they experimented with
clothing and make-up in high school, despite being bullied for the way
they looked.
“People don’t know this, but when I was 17, I remember
becoming obsessed with Boy George and Marilyn. There was one moment in
my life when I didn’t own a piece of male clothing, really.”
“I would wear full make-up every day at school –
eyelashes, leggings with Dr Martens and huge fur coats, for two and a
half years.“
“I got teased a lot for it. But there were also people respecting me for walking around like that in my school.”
In 2016 alone, six popular YouTubers came out as transgender, encouraging their hundreds of thousands of combined subscribers to not be afraid to be themselves. Teen.com has the story.
Just feeling a bit weird about my tumblr. It’s such a jumble.
As a closeted trans woman, this about the only place I express myself. But it’s still a pretty scary thing to do. Figuring out who I am is about the most uncomfortable thing I can imagine, next to actually coming out.
One thing that bothers me is that I seem to have internalized a lot of transphobic, homophobic, and misogynistic beliefs and aimed them all at myself. It’s so strange to hate myself so much, and yet at the same time be so inspired by other LGBT people.
It’s also a huge conflict that I want to be ultra-feminine. And I can’t tell if that’s really who I am or if that’s me overcompensating because I won’t let myself be feminine in any way. (Which is changing, since I’m growing my hair long. And who says women must have long hair anyway?)
It seems to me that as we grow up we try to comply with the demands of a sexist society by gritting our teeth, clenching our fists and holding our breath so that no one can hear us cry. Because: Boys. Don’t. Cry!
It makes no difference that we never were boys. This was the price we paid for acceptance.
The muscle spasms are still there. We have to get those feelings out by yelling, crying, laughing and dancing. Easier said than done. I know.
Fascinating article by Sam Escobar over at Esquire on being nonbinary, genderqueer and bisexual:
We’re in the midst of a generational realization, a collective acceptance of gender’s spectrum. While I love the progress made in pop culture and the beauty industries, and how at ease that has made me with my own identity, it’s important to acknowledge that I have a significant amount of privilege. Not only do I look generally feminine, but I also am typically perceived as white (my father is Latino and my mother is Caucasian), so I don’t face the types of discrimination queer, non-binary people—particularly folks of color—often do.
Given the only recent visibility of non-binary identities, there isn’t a ton of data on the subject. But in a 2008 survey by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the National Center for Transgender Equality of 6,450 transgender and gender nonconforming people, twenty percent identified as “part time as one gender, part time as another” while thirteen percent identified as “a gender not listed here.” (The rest either identified as male or as female.) The survey revealed key common experiences among gender nonconforming individuals, such as the finding that seventy percent had experienced harassment and discrimination at school.
Morpheus:
I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
Neo:
You could say that.
Morpheus:
I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that's not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo:
No.
Morpheus:
Why not?
Neo:
Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus:
I know *exactly* what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo:
The [Gender Binary].
Morpheus:
Do you want to know what it is?
Neo:
Yes.
Morpheus:
The [Gender Binary] is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you go to church... when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo:
What truth?
Morpheus:
That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage. Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind.
Crossdreamers added this:
The Matrix was made by Lana Wachowski and her brother Andy. She presented as a man at the time, and I would not be surprised if her transgender journey influenced her view of "common-sense reality" as "maya", a veil of deceit.
Most people know that women and women represent a mix of traits, abilities, temperaments that go across gender lines. However, as soon as they start talking about what women and men are supposed to do, they forget all about that. Suddenly men are from Mars and women are from Venus, boys don’t cry and girls are weak and timid.
Every time someone says anything like this, let us remind them.
