Some people dream about being the other gender. The fact that transgender people do so, are increasingly becoming accepted, but a recent Israeli study indicates that more than one third of non-transgender people have dreamed about belonging to “the other side” too.
It becomes harder to separate transgender people from non-transgender (cisgender) people if cisgender people are crossdreaming, but if we think of gender as a complex continuum rather than a strict binary, it starts to make sense. The Israeli studies tell us that the boundary between cis and trans is very fuzzy, indeed.
A little reminder of our forum for transgender, queer and non-binary people. Crossdream Life is a place where you can discuss anything in a safe environment.
Dr. Jason Rafferty og HealthyChildren.org has a good take on the American Academy of Pediatrics‘ newly published policy on how to treat gender variant children.
Here’s what parents can do:
When your child discloses his or her identity to you, respond in an affirming, supportive way. Understand that although gender identity is not able to be changed, it often is revealed over time as people discover more about themselves.
Accept and love your child as they are. Try to understand what they are feeling and experiencing. Even if there are disagreements, they will need your support and validation to develop into healthy teens and adults.
Make it clear that slurs or jokes based on gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation are not tolerated. Express your disapproval of these types of jokes or slurs when you encounter them in the community or media.
Be on the look out for danger signs that may indicate a need for mental health support such as anxiety, insecurity, depression, low self-esteem, and any emotional problems in your child and others who may not have a source of support otherwise
Connect your child with LGBTQ organizations, resources, and events. It is important for them to know they are not alone.
Celebrate diversity in all forms. Provide access to a variety of books, movies, and materials—including those that positively represent gender diverse individuals. Point out LGBTQ celebrities and role models who stand up for the LGBTQ community, and people in general who demonstrate bravery in the face of social stigma.
Support your child’s self-expression. Engage in conversations with them around their choices of clothing, jewelry, hairstyle, friends, and room decorations.
Jessica Kellgren-Fozard has over 320,000 subscribers on YouTube where she has made countless videos about her life, and where she touches on the issues she faces as a deaf lesbian.
This video refers to a British version of sign language. Local variations may apply.
Here’s an interesting discussion on the roots of transphobia by Karen L. Blair over at Psychology Today.
…if you strongly believe that there are only two sexes and that those two sexes always create two genders, and that it is not possible for someone to change from being one gender to another, being presented with a masculine trans man (someone who was identified female at birth) who visually and behaviorally is indistinguishable from a cisgender man, may be a very jarring experience that challenges binary beliefs about gender.
Furthermore, gender conforming trans individuals may elicit distinctiveness threat because if you yourself are a man and hinge a great deal of your identity on being a man, what does this piece of your identity really mean if someone born female can ‘pass’ as being just “as much of a man” as you? Thus, the more an individual strongly believes in the gender binary, the more threatening transgender individuals (especially those who ‘pass’) are to that individual’s own personal identity as either a man or a woman.
Callahan is a non-binary make-up artist challenging the standards of masculinity that heteronormative society often holds trans masculine people to. And they’re the subject of a new short film by queer filmmaker Florence Strickland.
“If I want cis men to feel comfortable and confident in themselves, to be able to wear make-up, or wear long hair, or traditionally feminine presentations, then why shouldn’t I be able to?” they explained.
“I shouldn’t feel held to a higher standard of masculinity because I’m trans.
“I think everyone should be able to wear make-up. So why not me?
“I really love character make-up, theatrical make-up, and drag make-up—being able to transform in this very simple way.”
Goldsmiths University of London is looking for participants in a study exploring the quality of life in transgender and gender nonconforming people in England.
You are eligible to take part if you are over the age of 18, live in England and identify as transgender and/or gender nonconforming.
(They say England, not Britain, so I guess this one is for those in that part of Britain only.)
There are many taboos associated with transgender sexuality.
If non-transgender people get turned on by something, it is because they are people. If transgender and non-binary people get turned on by something, transphobes will tell them that this is because they are perverts.
The sexual dreams of transgender people, including crossdressers, crossdreamers and non-binary people, will by shaped by their life experience and what is denied them. Since that life experience is different form the ones of cis people, their sexual fantasies may also be different.
It make perfect sense for a male to female transgender person to be aroused by the idea of being a woman, because that in that fantasy she expresses her true nature. It makes perfect sense for someone gender fluid, to mix both gender roles and identities in their fantasies. It makes perfect sense for a transgender man to dream about having his identity and his sexuality affirmed by others.
Such fantasies are no longer considered a sign of mental illness by the main health organizations. Still, old ideas die hard, and some queer and trans people are too ashamed to talk about such fantasies.
This was partly why we established Crossdream Life, a discussion forum where people can discuss gender variance and both erotic and non-erotic dreams about becoming a different gender.
I am not so sure a Zen munk can make it rain, but that aside: This article contains a lot of interesting reflection on the need to balance the masculine with the feminine, regardless of how you define these concepts.
Anne Baring writes:
The greatest flaw in patriarchal civilisation has been the over-emphasis on the masculine archetype (identified with spirit) and the devaluation of the feminine one (identified with nature). This has been reflected in the fact that the god-head has no feminine dimension, in the consistent neglect of feeling values and in the misogyny responsible for the repression and suffering of women.
The history of the last 4000 years has been forged by men, determined by male perspectives and directed towards goals defined by men – principally the goals of conquest and control. (this is no sense intended as a criticism; in the context of prevailing belief systems and general level of consciousness, things could not have been different).
As I see it, hyper-masculinity is poisoning societies like the Russian and the American right now, reflected in the lack of compassion and understanding in people like Putin and Trump. That does not mean that hyper-femininity is any better. It simply means that we all - men, women, nonbinary, trans or non-trans – have to find a sensible balance between the various traits and drives that make us human.
