A Q&A About Transgender People

A question from one of my tumblr followers  leads to an interesting conversation about what it means to be transgender.

Lesson learned: Remember that many people genuinely want to know more about the whys and whats of transgender identities. They may not know the terminology, but that does not mean they are out to get you.

This conversation is republished with the permission of the person asking.

Asking about transsexuals

Q: I’m sorry but would it be okay to ask you anything about transsexuals? I’m afraid if asking about trans is rude or anything. If you think it is rude, please tell me so.

A: Go ahead!

Why are people transgender?

Q: I’m really sorry to ask this question, but I was puzzled and needed backup. I totally support transgenders but some people asked me, why does people try to be another gender? What do transgenders think male or female is? Like, if there’s nothing different between men and women besides genitals, people shouldn’t want to be other gender. Because there are no gender difference. 

Also trans people without surgery shouldn’t be called trans, because they did not change their genitals or hormones. 

And if they want themselves to be another genders just because of the social norms we frame genders, like wearing heels and skirts, or doing makeup, that’s sexism because we’re framing gender roles. 

Again, I support trans people and I wanted to argue back to these kind of opinions, but I couldn’t find how to. I’ll be grateful if you could give me an answer.

A: If there had been no transgender people around (or intersex people who suffer from being forced to live as the wrong gender), your question would have made perfect sense. I mean, if the feeling of being man or a woman simply was a result of your social upbringing OR your biological sex, being trans makes no sense. 

Yet, here we are. We exist, and many of us suffer from gender dysphoria, which is an observable, persistent and extremely painful experience. This experience is anchored in a deeply felt sense of being the wrong gender. 

The fact that trans people continue to experience this dissonance, in spite of social exclusion and harassment, tells me that this gender identity is real. 

There is still a debate on what causes this jarring dissonance. Most medical experts point to variations in pre-natal hormonal exposure that influences brain development. But regardless of what causes it, it is real.

[Let me add here that the reality of gender dysphoria points to the reality of the gender identities of trans people. This does not mean that you need to have gender dysphoria to be trans.]

Trans and transitioning

You write that  “trans people without surgery shouldn’t be called trans, because they did not change their genitals or hormones.“ 

Transgender is an umbrella term that encompasses all kinds of gender variance. Surgery or hormones have never been a requisite for calling yourself transgender. 

It could be that you are thinking of the term "transsexual”, which often has been used to refer to transgender people who intend to transition or have transitioned with hormone replacement therapy and surgery. This word in not much used outside medical circles these days.

Sexism and gender roles

A regards sexism and gender roles: Transgender people, like cis [non-transgender]  people are influenced by the culture around them. Like cis people they would like to be affirmed as who they are, also as regards gender. 

Like many cis people, some trans people try to live up to gender stereotypes to get this affirmation, while others do not. 

Trans women are not women because they were skirts. If they wear skirts, it is because this is the way they express their gender, just like many non-transgender women do.

May I ask why you are interested in transgender people? Do you know someone you would like to help, maybe?

Q: Thanks for the answer. It helped a lot.

Not many people in my country accept nor respect trans people. I wanted to refute their arguments (it included things like sexism, and if men could enter women’s restrooms or dressing rooms claiming they’re trans, what could stop them?). But I’m not that logical nor familiar in these kind of debate, so I needed some help constructing my opinion.Thanks again for the help.

Illustration photo of Asian transgender woman: Ranta Images.

The Zoning Commission

rasao22:

Many months ago I came out to myself as transgender.  This meant that I had finally acknowledged something that had created a huge geological fault-line in my own psyche for many years.

I use the imagery of a fault-line for a couple different reasons.  The first is that there have been many earthquakes in my life because of this fault-line.  In this case the metaphor I am speaking of is mental health.  These earthquakes, just like real ones, were never ones that could be predicted either for when they happened or their severity.  They just happen and you need to figure out a safe space to try to ride out the effects.  Working through huge bouts of anxiety, depression, ennui – this happened so many more times than I would like to acknowledge.

Other people may be able to build structures in their minds.  Structures that allow themselves to find fulfillment, happiness – social structures, hobbies, achievements, career, other things.  In my own mind and especially because things had never “fit” together correctly, building structures seemed to be both impossible and therefore useless.  Why try to put something together if you are unable to sustain it mentally?

This also led to the idea of effectively at least two concepts of “me”.  Perhaps this is a form of disassociation, but it very much was an idea that the part of me that was transgender could not possibly coexist with the me that was going to have any shot of having a successful life.  And therefore the fault line became a necessity so as to “trap” this part of me and put up a barrier in order for at least some small part of me to function.  This also meant metaphorically trying to ground structures on only one side of the fault-line too – acknowledging and carrying out some piece of me in the world outside myself.

I had long since become used to such an existence.  I knew that it was a price I’d have to pay in order to just be accepted.  In what may end up being a consistent refrain in my writings, acknowledging being transgender especially in older generations is not a path for comfort or success.  Because I relied on others’ happiness to be able to find my own for a long time, I needed to do things to ensure their happiness. And trying to fix this fault line was not one of those activities.

So!  I’m transgender and this fixes the fault-line, right?

No.  Sadly it does not.  The fault line still exists between mind and body, between sense of self and how I am perceived.  This fault line is likely never to be “fixed”.  Coming out means that you get to look at who you are and what you present and for many transgender persons what they would like to be will never come to fruition.

What does this mean though?

It means that you’ve just updated your metaphorical building code.  Previously building structures on one side of your psyche, creating a life where you are cisgender and trying to hide the rest of you, means that if the earthquake is strong enough it can wipe out much if not all of what has been built.

Building structures within your life with the idea that you are utilizing your whole self, your whole being, and you don’t have to hide or suppress a portion of yourself means that you can weather the earthquakes better.  The social circle you build will know the challenges you face and can better support you.  The hobbies or activities you acquire are chosen in tandem with your whole self so you don’t have to feel pressured to like certain things based on gendered code.  Your achievements may mean more to you if you are able to do them *as you* rather than as someone who actively fought against themself for such a long time.

Right now I am in the process of updating my own metaphorical building code too.  This means that going in to all activities it is necessary to understand all of me and take all of this into account as I start to build the foundations.  This is a very new and complex process – almost like someone having to measure the perfect amount of water and cement mix to finally get the mixture correct.  I have to measure out the perfect amount of all of my faculties, one of them being my character, one being my personality, one unquestionably being my *self* and now that is finally including my sense of gender.

This also means looking at all of the existing structures that managed to make it this far.  Relationship, family, everything else.  Is the structure unsafe for future earthquakes?  Have all the repairs I’ve had to continually make to it through the years been able to result in something that will hold out?  Or were the foundations rotten to begin with and I have to now destroy in order to rebuild?

Time will only tell.  To finish the metaphor I have at least come to grips that I live within a fault zone and I have to take steps in order to continue living here.  Moving out of the neighborhood is a step that is too drastic.  I have to be able to adapt in order to keep going.  This is my adaptation, and it will be a long process still.

yearning-mlm-hours:

Ok so tw discussing transmedicalism (and why it’s bad) //

I feel like i probably should say this because I’m so tired of the argument between people who aren’t in a good headspace to be arguing with each other, especially since that can prompt nasty things to be said

There is SOME truth to transmedicalism, but a lot of the details have been taken put of context or misinterpreted. You don’t need gender dysphoria to be trans. What you DO need is Gender Incongruence, which is not the discomfort relating to your assigned gender, but rather the difference between the way you percieve your gender and what your gender was assigned at birth.

“But wait, mr. yearning mlm hours, isn’t that what being trans is?” Yeah! Essentially, if you do not identify 100% with your birth gender at all times, you’re some level of trans.

Now back to the transmed narrative. Why do they think you need dysphoria to be trans? Well, back in The Day, many people who had dysphoria would *medically* transition. Doctors noticed this and set it as the standard to recieve medical treatment. Also, many people who thought they didn’t have dysphoria noticed feeling better after treatment, and so it was assumed these people didn’t realize they had dysphoria in the first place due to denial. Whether or not that is the case is still undetermined, as most of those doctors are now deceased.

“Wait, aren’t you dysphoric?” Yeah. I am. However, it didn’t make me trans. It’s a side affect of being trans. Before I first came out, I used to cry in dressing rooms trying on bras because I thought that my chest was too small or looked wrong, when in reality I just hated having a chest. I misinterpreted my own gender and discomfort because I was not only in denial, but just a kid. After coming out, I thought I didn’t have dysphoria. I recognized how much better I felt identifying as another gender, which is where incongruence comes in, but I didn’t really know that I would begin to feel discomfort about female puberty. Later, I started to feel worse and worse, still not understanding. It was only til I drew myself with short hair for the first time that I realized I was experiencing dysphoria, a side affect of being trans. My brain didn’t recognize me as I was, because in my head I was not a girl, but I looked stereotypically feminine and was percieved as such, so I felt awful.

Now obviously, my experience with gender is not the only experience. Some people know, and have always been masc or femme, or never understand the incongruence until they’re much older. Some people will never know.

Now I’m gonna address what is called the “tucute” side. Dysphoria isn’t hating your body. I like my body, but it doesn’t feel right to me. It’s essentially comparable to “I like watching basketball, but I don’t like playing it.” Also, transmedicalism often stems from a place of “wanting to understand why” someone is trans. For a long time I wanted to know why, and when people offered an explanation, I simply agreed. Now, I’ve learned that the explanation I was given was not correct, and that there’s not enough evidence to back it up, because so few trans individuals have offered to be part in the studies cited.

“Well, why don’t a lot of people want to dress like their gender?” A lot of trans people, including myself, are somewhat or totally GNC. I understand that no matter how I dress, my body and voice are going to be seen as a woman, or nb. I also really like fashion, and don’t understand why clothes have to be gendered (curse you, adhd that alienated me from social standards) (jk). So anyways, many people feel that expressing themselves gives them a sense of joy that is separate from their gender. Being able to change how you look and look cool in fun colours or fashion is enjoyable, and shouldn’t be spit on.

Anyways, td;lr, the only thing that makes you trans is being trans, not dysphoria, and GNC trans ppl are absolutely valid. Also nb ppl are trans, and a lot of transmeds are misinformed rather than purposely hateful, though that doesn’t make transmedicalism good.

What Is Gender Dysphoria?

Griffin Wynne presents an interesting take on what gender dysphoria is over at Elite Daily.

They refer to The American Psychiatric Association (APA), which defines gender dysphoria as “A conflict between a person’s physical or assigned gender and the gender with which he/she/they identify.”

They talk to  Anemone Schlotterbeck, LMSW and Gender Affirming Services Specialist at Philadelphia’s LGBTQIA health and wellness Mazzoni Center. 

“There are two different concepts circulating,” Schlotterbeck tells Wynne. “One is a clinical diagnosis, and the other is the term trans people use for ourselves, sometimes overlapping with the clinical definition but sometimes different.”

Although the term “dysphoria” may inspire images of intense suffering, Schlotterbeck shares that in practice, gender dysphoria can just mean feeling uncomfortable when someone assumes something about you based on your assigned gender. Gender stereotypes can look like anything from men at your gym making comments about the weights you’re lifting to your boss calling you “too sensitive” when you speak your mind at work.

While gender dysphoria is something that many transgender people experience, Schlotterbeck attests that feeling confined by traditional gender roles isn’t synonymous with being trans. “We talk about gender dysphoria like it’s a special secret thing that trans people experience,” Schlotterbeck says. “Like no one else has any idea and couldn’t possibly imagine what it feels like for gender not to fit. I try to shift that to: We all know what it’s like when gender doesn’t fit.”

Wynn adds that they identify as a trans person and regularly experience gender dysphoria:

 Although changing my name, using they/them pronouns, and coming out as non-binary has been incredibly validating, I’ll be the first to tell you that gender dysphoria is very real, and ultimately, can be very painful. (Cue: me crying in a fitting room wondering if I’ll ever find “men’s pants” to fit my bodacious booty. Hey.)

More here!

See also: What the DSM-5 psychiatric manual says about gender dysphoria.

Being Nonbinary Has Nothing To Do With Looking Nonbinary

Rachel Anne Williams makes some important points over at Medium.

She has been on hormones for  four years. Her presentation is femme. She uses she/her pronouns. But she considers herself nonbinary, neither male nor female.

In other words: A feminine gender expression does not necessarily mean that someone is a woman. Nor do nonbinary people have to appear androgynous.

She writes:

When we create and enforce these stereotypes in the trans community, we risk playing gatekeeper on who is trans or not. But just like there is no “right” way for men or women to present themselves, there is not a “right” way for nonbinary people to present themselves.

There is a similar stereotype that all nonbinary people prefer “they” pronouns. But pronoun usage does not define whether someone is “really” nonbinary. There is no logical entailment between what pronouns you prefer and whether you’re nonbinary.

Furthermore, not all nonbinary people even identify as trans. Some do. Some don’t.

Nor is there a direct link between gender dysphoria and the need for hormones and surgery, Rachel Anne argues.

You can read the whole article over at Medium.

Photo from Rachel Anne Williams